8.22.2006

For anyone else out there as bored with work as I am, here is another image to color and collaborate on with me!
If I haven't properly introduced myself before, and to share my background a bit, I was an art major in college. I was actually in college for quite a while because 1) I couldn't apply myself well enough to maintain interest, and 2) I really enjoyed learning. While these things are seemingly impossibly opposites, I should say I enjoyed learning about a lot of different subjects. This meant I took a ton of English courses, a heavy load of Women's Studies, and just as many (if not more) Religion and Philosophy courses. Lets just say if I could've applied myself well enough, I would've been an art major with many minors.
The first half of my college career was spent as a painting major and the second half as a fibers major. Nowadays people understand "fibers" a little better than when I was going through the program. We studied surface design, sculptural applications, weaving sewing, crocheting, knitting, and all the loving goodness the flexible and forgiving material called a fiber can offer.
But the detrimental combination of the inability to apply with such diverse interests has lead me through what I thought would be a career in corporate coffee (Starbucks, Caribou, and independent, then I totally jumped ship), a record store (too little money and too many temptations for a self-described music snob), and now several years into being a glorified secretary.
I dreamt of my Masters of Fine Arts for several years. I have a now technologically obsolete slide portfolio together, I waited for who I thought would be the love of my life settle into my plans with me for those years and waited for the progress to, well, progress. As is one of the incredible glories of life, nothing happened as I had envisioned it. The so-called love of my life really had me on hold for 2 years until I realized I was just the security blanket at home. I would like to insert the point here that he was living out of the country, which was beneficial to "us" because I like my alone time. A lot. I had an interesting mate who could be both intriguing and heartbreaking at the other end of the line, but when the weekend came I could do what I wanted without checking in with someone else. I was also self-avowed to never marry. I had no intentions of marriage and an absolute fear of motherhood and family life. That relationship failed and I really buckled down, looking at grad schools and figuring out the next big leap.
In sauntered Charlie and after a great deal of self-searching and huge amounts of denial, I realized I wanted him to take whatever the next big step would be with me. He was the most incredible person I had ever met. And he still is, and he will always be. After all was said and done I realized I didn't need him in my life, but I sure wanted him.
So that is how I have ended up here: a secretary by trade, a wife, and a home-maker. All three titles I am very uncomfortable with, I sound like (on paper) a 1950s housewife. I garden, I cook (poorly), I sew. I have the makings of Donna Reed in my abilities but the desire to be something far different.
Most disturbing is my job. I file, type and answer the phone. I am generally not challenged, I am glared at when others have to answer the phone. But, alas, I sit here and blog between busy work, which makes me feel like I have a small glimmer of that punk rock ethos I brazenly used to display. Sticking it to the man. I'm so tough because I blog? I wonder if I am subverting the female stereotype or am I endorsing it?
All these questions and I don't have an answer, but I do know that I need to be making artwork rather than excusing myself into the role of wife. I need to continue to challenge myself even if I sit at work and play on a computer all day. And maybe I'll do just a little glaring back if I don't make it to the phone on time. I should get a break from that cheery telephone voice every once in a while, too.
Part of nesting is, after all, sorting things out, isn't it? Oh! And tomorrow is Pile Wednesday, which will be a good excuse to get back to styling the living room, eh?

1 comment:

mipmup said...

i love this!